Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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