I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
