Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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