Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
