found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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