Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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