that's an acceptable place to lick
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
