when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
