im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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