i jhust puked up my retainher.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
