She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
