Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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