is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
