I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
