i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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