We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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