I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
