im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
