So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
