I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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