Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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