theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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