i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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