My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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