her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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