Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
