i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
