I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
