At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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