He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
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