Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
