At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
