At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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