ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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