my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
