The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
