Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
