There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
