the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
