R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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