Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
