Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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