Your face is a jimmy john
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My dick has a subreddit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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