seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
