Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
