So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
