and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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