Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
