physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
