OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
