that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
